The Bystanders

I had just got home from the hospital when the phone rang. My mom called me and said "It's Subhash". I ran down from my room and picked it up. "The doctor has come. He is available to meet....."he said.”You want me to come or you can manage it yourself?” I asked him. "Come, if you can". "Alright, I will come immediately. Give me 15-20 mins to reach", I hung the phone up.
"You are going again?" My mom asked. I nodded. "What happened", she asked as I was buttoning my shirt. “I will come back and tell you". I started my bike and left to the hospital.

The trips to the hospital had started a few days back when our batch mate from college, Ramesh, was admitted to one of the private hospitals in Kannur. Just the previous day, he had struck a brilliant 50+ score in our cricket university in spite of having fever. The game had taken its toll and he felt very tired so he went to see a doctor who insisted that he be admitted. 

3 days later, the fever didn't seem to come down and the hospital was struggling to diagnose the reason. They were playing ping pong between viral fever and malaria. After another 3 days the fever came down and he was discharged. He came back to the hostel.

Ramesh, who was basically from Andaman, stayed close to Subhash's room and was a fun loving character. Though I was not a hosteler, it was difficult for people to distinguish whether I was a day scholar or a hosteler as I spent a lot of time in the hostel. I strongly believe that the life of a hosteler is fun and so is that of a day scholar, but it is the one who enjoys the good combination of both that has more everlasting memories: lot of good memories and some not so good ones. 

A few days after Ramesh was discharged, he was back on his bed with high fever, reaching 102 Deg Fahrenheit some evenings. His roommate Sanjith suggested that we show him to a different doctor preferably in a different hospital. This time he was taken to Ashoka Hospital in Kannur. He went in with high fever and therefore was immediately admitted. On the second day in the evening I had gone straight to the hospital after classes. Subhash was also with me. We were told that the doctor wanted to see someone and we waited. Ramesh was happily chatting with us in spite of the body pain he was going through. We spoke to the nurse and she informed that the doc wanted to see us about a test. He wanted us to go down outside and needed a formal signature from someone. Since he was busy, I decided to go home. As soon as I reached home, I got the call and I was back at the hospital.Subhash was waiting for me. 

"The nurse said he wanted to see us." He said. "Yes, to sign a paper of consent I guess. You could have signed it" I said with a tone of dissent for calling me back to the hospital.

We walked in to meet the doc who started off with customary hello. He asked us if Ramesh's parents were aware that he is admitted. We said we hadn't informed them as it was just a fever. "A fever that has been on for 20 days is not just fever" he said with a stern look.

"Ok boys, the reason I called for a meeting is because I suspect a little bit more. And I need you to do a few tests that I can't do here in the hospital and tests that would be expensive if done here" he explained. “Were we getting into the next set of tests just because someone had bought new equipment in some lab??” was the first thought that flashed into my mind. We had been hearing about the normal "medical scams" where doctors were connected to some labs and they send patients out to those labs and earn commissions. I didn't say anything. 

"You are not kids anymore, so let me be open about what I think." He continued. "I can't confirm this, but my diagnosis with the tests I have done point towards a particular type of CANCER." 

I think he said a few more lines but for a few moments I felt the scam story would have better off than what I had just heard. I think he read our faces and stopped.

"I am still not sure about this. But you have to understand that it's one of the pointers I have seen after reading the results, so I suggest that you go to Medical College in Calicut and get the tests done there as the results will be a lot more reliable than some private labs we have here and also the fact that you won't have to pay anything. Plus you have the best set of doctors in the medical college" he said.

We had always heard so many negative things about the state of our medical colleges but that one thing he said about the quality of doctors there took all the negatives out.

"When do you suggest we should take that step?" Subhash asked.

"Now. Immediately. I will write the letter to the doctor there. Take all the results that we have and show it to him. They might ask for repeating the tests but that is normal" he said.

"I hope I am wrong. All the best" he said, as he stood up and shook hands with us. We walked out not talking to each other.

"I want to have a cigarette" Subhash said. He is not a smoker and the last time he smoked was after he got a supplementary paper in S3 (third semester) maths.

We walked to a shop nearby and he lit up the cigarette and puffed on it and I asked for a strong tea. People have different ways to handle pressure. I normally eat something when my brain is not working or it's filled with crap. And it's not something; I normally can have two person's meal if I am all worked up. Even today I have the same attitude towards situations I can't handle.

The first thing we had to do was inform Ramesh of the trip without divulging the details of the discussion we had with the doctor.

 We told Ramesh, that we had to go to Medical College as it was becoming expensive in a private hospital. We told him that one of friend's relative was there and he is the one who advised us to do so. He had no reason not to trust us. That's how friends are. We just trust each other blindly once they have proven to be worth it.

"I will go to the hostel and pick up a few things and also get some more friends" Subhash said.

"Don't tell people the doctor's doubt. Tell the people the tests are better there so he advised us to go there else it could be expensive" I said.

People in hostel can easily connect to the word expensive. I think living in hostels help you study basic economics more than what you are taught in college.

"I will go home and pack my bag and come back to the hospital in an hour" I said.

It was agreed that we will be back by 9pm

I went home and told my mom that I had to go to Calicut as my friend was ill not disclosing too much to her. I was used to doing stuff for friends anyway, so even if she didn't really accept it, she nodded.

I picked up my regular shoulder bag, stuffed it with some clothes and took the bus to the hospital.

I sat there waiting for Subhash to arrive. Sanjith was already there and struggling to keep the smile on. "It's just a fear the doc has, it can be wrong also" I said pacifying him as he stood outside smoking one cigarette after other.

Subhash came with another of our close friend Reju. I had already collected the necessary documents and the taxi was also ready. As soon they came we set off on our 3 hour trip to the medical college.

We stopped over at Subhash's place in vadakara for a light meal. He had made sure none at home would show any abnormal emotions. I guess he had informed his dad about the discussion we had with the doctor.

We reached the hospital well past midnight.

When you move from a private hospital to a medical college it is almost like a culture shock. You enter into a place where you have people all around you. In beds, on chairs, on the floor... just everywhere.

Reju and I met the duty doctor and explained the situation to him. He said currently, he can't admit the person as they need to run some tests. And that can happen only once the specialist is here in the morning. Hence we were asked to look for a space and make sure he is resting. 

During the journey from Kannur to Calicut, I was almost sure that Ramesh had nothing but fever as he was happily chatting with us during the journey. But when he reached the medical college, it was either the ambience or the fact that he was tired from the journey he just closed his eyes and Slept on the floor.

Reju's house was just 10 mins away from the hospital which was a major relief for us as we could make the hospital trips from there and home cooked food for Ramesh could also be taken care from there.

In the morning, which was just a few hours later, we met with the doctor and explained what we had explained to the duty doctor.

He took note of all the details and said currently there were no available beds so we will have to manage just the way we spent the previous night. And he would make sure to inform us when something comes up. When you live in a country like India, it is normal to find such challenges in a government medical college. We were ready to put up with whatever space we had.

In the next few hours Ramesh was busy getting various tests done and meeting couple of doctors.

Meanwhile Reju's father used his connections to arrange a meeting with a senior doctor there in the medical college. She met us and we asked her if she could help us with a bed. She said there was something available in the cancer ward but that can only be given out when it is confirmed. Else it sends the wrong signal. We convinced her that we will manage the signals and convince Ramesh that we got it via a connection so that he doesn't doubt.

The doctor helped us in getting our little space and even though Ramesh asked us "why here?" We went on with our bluff of connections and typical Indian jugaad.

Next day we were called in for a meeting with the doctor. Reju, Subhash and I went to meet him. 

The doctor explained that he had only repeated the tests that were already done.

The natural response to that from all of us in unison was "And.....what do you think?"

"There is still a bone marrow test that we need to do to confirm, but the symptoms do point in that direction, I am sorry".

In life, you can be an optimistic person and believe the next test is going to prove all this wrong or you can be a pessimist and resign to the dull state of mind believing this is the end. I think jointly we decided to be the positive lot. I do not know whether each of us had a fear in the mind that they did not want to show to the other...but we said ...we still have chance.

We had a few friends who were studying in the medical college who would visit us. And all of them who came to the room were thoroughly briefed on what they could and could not say. Ramesh never realized what was in our minds.

The next day was day of the bone marrow test. A day that's difficult to forget. I certainly would never be able to forget.

Ramesh was called in to the room that was filled with a senior doctor and a few of his students. He then explained to us that Ramesh had to bend in a certain way that would enable them to insert a syringe into his bone marrow and collect a sample. I do not know what Ramesh felt at that moment hearing of that test. It was explained that this is going to hurt and there should be absolutely no movement of the body.

Reju and I were given the task of holding him in that position. 

The doctor then went on to explain to the students what would happen, the key "equipment" used and why such test is done. I was getting worried he would mention the reason why we were doing it on him. He didn't. And I was thankful to him for that.

Holding on to Ramesh was no easy job for the two of us. He was writhing in pain while the doctor was making this a test case for his students. It was a 10min ordeal but seemed like ages.

We took him and made sure he rested. They were 4 days of medical overdose to all of us. And yet in between we would have our own reasons to smile at small jokes.

The result of this test was due in 3 days so I decided to take a trip back home. My dad was back from his official trip and was surprised and annoyed I was away from home for such a long time with no proper reasoning. That wasn't the time we had mobiles so the only info they had was based on those one off calls I made back home. I explained the situation we were in and about the last test result we were waiting for.

Two days later I got call from Rajesh, who had joined the team there when I had left. He said the results are expected in the evening so please be back. 

I told my parents that I have to go and left. By the time I reached my friends were standing outside sipping tea. 

I looked at them and asked "what happened, did they call you?"

Subhash said "Yes, it is confirmed". I looked at others. No one wanted to meet my eyes. 

"And what are the chances of making it through?" I asked.

"There are positive chances of making it through", he said.

"Thank God", I said. 

Reju looked up and asked "Thank god for what?"

"Because there are positive chances of making it through the illness", I said.

"He said there are NO positive chances my friend", he said as I stared at Subhash again. 

"Yes that's what I said. There are NO positive chances...." 

"But I heard there are positive chances.." I said.

"That's what you wanted to hear." he said.

"Where is Sanjith" I asked. He would the most heartbroken I knew as they had been roommates for 2 years. Though it is difficult to quantify "being heartbroken", I knew he would have been shattered. 

Needless to say, Sanjith was in tears the whole evening and never came to the room that night.

We kind of comforted each other so that we decide on the next course of action. Ramesh still didn't know what he had. Except that he had fever and body pain. The body pain was a lot worse than what he had 2 weeks back.

We had to let him know. We decided it was better to tell him when someone from his family was with us.

One of us called his brother who was in Chennai telling him that Ramesh was admitted in the hospital. The next day he arrived. All of us sat him down and explained the situation to him. 

"I don't believe it. And I am taking him home and we will treat him" he said.He said he will talk to Ramesh and explain all that happened in the last two weeks.

I certainly did not want to be in the same room and I doubt if any of us sat through that discussion.

I remember seeing him later with a smile on his face; a smile of disbelief. "So you were hiding this all the time?" He asked.

What can one respond to that? 

His face never showed any loss of hope. He too believed that it was a mistake and he told us that some doctor in Andaman had also diagnosed the same an year back but when he went to a prestigious hospital in Chennai they ruled it out. 

"Whaaaat?" Was a the first emotional word that came to our mind. Could that have been the phase 1 of his condition that went unnoticed by the so called "Prestigious" hospital?

The next day his brother packed the bags and left to Chennai with him. He shook hands with all of us indicating he will be back amongst us.

A few weeks later we got news that that hospital confirmed the diagnosis.

Subhash and Reju went on and contacted a physician who practiced naturopathy and was known to cure Cancer. We kept getting updates that while allopathic medicine was not working on him, the naturopathy was helping. 

There was hope. 

We heard that he had started walking and would go down the building and sit with some friends at the STD booth. All these were good signs.

Then one day at 6pm I got a call from Subhash. I heard a choked up friend of mine say "Ramesh has gone."

I wasn't sure if I heard it right. I asked "What?"

"Yes, he is gone.the last two days the illness aggrevated and today in the morning he passed away".

I was unwell then and felt even more ill hearing this.

"We are going to Chennai. They said they will wait for us to arrive before they cremate the body"

Subhash, Reju and few others went to Chennai but couldn't make it on time for the cremation.

Ramesh had made his last trip from Kannur to Calicut a few months back in a car cracking jokes throughout the trip. He then made his last trip out of kerala with a confident hand shake and the same smile.

To this day, I remember that unshaven face and that smile when I think about him. While something was eating him from inside, we watched, as mere bystanders in the hospital. 

Wherever he is today, I am sure he is still cracking his stupid jokes and creating a light mood around him. 

May his soul rest in peace!